Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Horrorland (AKA The Comment Section)

It’s your typical boring day. You’re sitting in front of the TV, whether at home or in the breakroom at work. More than likely the channel is playing the news, which is depressing enough, an old rerun you’ve seen a hundred times before, or a soap opera, which is almost as bad as watching the news. You’re so bored you pull out your cell phone.

The first thing you click on? Why, Facebook of course.

What pops up? One of the many, many stories concerning Trump, a viral video of a random good deed (probably staged for likes/notoriety for the page that created it), a photo of someone’s kid, a status a close friend posted, proud of themselves for something or other, angry about this and that, work sucks, kids suck, yada yada. You know how it goes.

Facebook, or any social media website, for that matter, wouldn’t be all that bad if that were the end of it. But it never is, is it?

Enter The Comment Section.

Not to say that every comment on every photo, video, or status is absolutely awful. Some people are great. They’ll wish you the best, pick you up when you’re down, apologize for whatever bad thing might have happened to you even if they weren’t even close to being at fault.

The percentage of those people, especially on viral posts? I’ll be generous here and say… 2%.

No, I’m not underestimating. And no, I’m not a cynical writer man who just hates everyone and stews behind a computer all day. I simply happen to have an account on a lot of social media. I’m masochistic that way.

I happened upon the most adorable puppy video the other day. Seriously, the owner was tickling this golden retriever pup, so cute you could just eat him. The puppy fought back for all it was worth. Finally, the owner stopped the assault, and the dog, bless its heart, looked up at him with the saddest eyes, begging him to resume tickling. Eventually, he did.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” I thought as I clicked on the comments section. I wanted to see if anyone posted links to other cute dog videos. I like tagging my girlfriend. She gets quite the kick out of them.

But, no. Just a lot of talk about the president. People defended him. People slammed the people defending him. Hate speech getting flung around like monkey turds during a bad day at the zoo. I had to hit the back button so quickly I hurt my thumb.

I’m not exaggerating. I’m not lying to you. This happened in the comments section of a cute little puppy being tickled. I wish I were lying, for Pete’s sake.

The average American citizen has developed an overbearing sense of arrogance and righteousness, instilled in them by means of downloading an app that could carry their voices, their opinions, to millions. A hundred years ago we were a disconnected civilization. Rare phone calls were made, newspapers were still in mass production, and letters were exchanged. 

Fast forward to the present. I could pick up my phone at this very moment and have access to more than one billion people, if Facebook’s latest numbers are anything to go by. It’s a harrowing concept, and it’s one that should unite us all if it does anything.

As is nearly always the case, however, we’ve taken a great thing, turned it on its head, and made the worst of it.

In essence, what I’m saying is this, and it’s a good rule if you’re on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram;

Thinking about being a fucking prick? Don’t.

Thinking about calling someone a racist/homophobic/sexist slur? Don’t.

Thinking about slamming someone because you’re a republican/democrat/independent and the other person isn’t? Don’t.

You can judge other people in your head all you want. That’s your right. Hell, I do it all the time. Much as I pretend to be a people person, I generally find myself not liking a heck of a lot of people. But when you open your mouth and the ugliness spews forth like a poopoo blast from a shit geyser, everyone’s going to hate the real you.

These sites should all share a common slogan: THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK. OR TYPE. WHATEVER. When you think you’re being edgy because you just called the guy you don’t like a faggot, or you called a asian guy who disagreed with you a chink, or you just called the guy who didn’t vote for Trump a snowflake cuck, just stop. You’re not being edgy. You’re being a fucking stooge.

Unfortunately, until we can re-educate ourselves on how to be proper humans, you’re also the norm. So at least you’re blending in, right?

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